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whining & dining by michael whiner | contact:

Les Trois Soeurs

I was actually looking forward to my weekly bout with Michael on Wednesday. I'd booked a two at Les Trois Soeurs on the cusp of Bethnal Green and Shoreditch. The old pub had a fistful of character and the new proprietors haven't pissed about with it too much…heaven forbid, the locals would chew up a trendie bar like a bacon sanga. Excellent food here: broad and rich in the right places (everywhere) but the prices are positively malarial.
PS - I was sure my fat companion 's ailment would keep his trap shut, just so I could enjoy my Chateau Lafitte - oh how wrong I was.
As usual he is already in full flow…

"No solid food this week, I’m afraid. I had a decaying tooth ripped from my throbbing gum earlier today and it hurts like a bugger. What’s the soup of the day? Atlantic broth? Go on then. And a case of Champagne too. I’m on painkillers but they’re about a much use as a chocolate teapot. Mistress Alcohol will soon beat the pain into submission.

Talking of which, I’m utterly sick of Harry bloody Potter. It’s everywhere. I can even wipe my arse with Harry Potter toilet paper if I want to. This week the newspaper editors were trying to find a new angle to the story and God-bless Zoë Wanamaker for giving it to them. It seems that Ms Wanamaker is less then chuffed with the money she got for making the film. In fact it was less then she received from the BBC for making ‘Gormenghast’. Now I’m afraid I don’t really have much sympathy for her really. Firstly she knew precisely how much she was being paid when she agreed to do it. Secondly she’s got quite a large role in a film that is going to be seen by countless millions all over the world. It’s the sort of publicity that she could normally only dream of in her strange little luvvie world. I bet she doesn’t turn the sequels down either. Ah, I love the smell of hypocrisy!

So Michael and Kirk Douglas are to star in a film together for the first time. I can see two potential problems that may yet scupper the project though. For a kick off it’s called, ‘Smack the Puss’ which I think must take the prize for Worst Title For a Movie Ever award, even beating that obscure Korean flick, ‘Pardon Me, That’s my Dog You’re Eating’. Secondly and more seriously, Kirk just cannot talk since he had the stroke. I saw him on ‘Parkinson’ and frankly it made painful viewing. He slurred and dribbled his way through the interview like Roy Hatersley on novocaine. Can’t somebody have a quiet word with him?

You know anaesthetic and alcohol really do complement each other very well. The alcohol gets you nicely pissed and the anaesthetic means that you don’t feel a thing when you fall down. I may include a chapter on drinking whilst sedated in my forthcoming book, ‘Whiner’s Big Book of Booze’.

Michael Jackson is going to direct a film. It’s about an eight-year old orphan. It’s called ‘Home of the Angels’. I think I’ve finally lost the will to live.

Garcon! Another case of champers if you will! I’m going for oblivion or bust!"

recent whines...

January 2002 - St John - Clerkenwell EC1

December 7 - Hell

November 30 - Birthday at Brula

November 23 - Picnic on the Heath

November 16 - Les Trois Soeurs

November 9 - Ed's

November 2 - Burger King: Piccadilly

October 26 - Lindsay House

October 19 - Darcy's

October 5 - Spitz of Spittlefields

September 28 - West Street

September 21 - St John's

September 7 - Southeast W9

August 31 - Rogues

August 24 - Royale With Cheese

August 17 - Rules

August 10 - Manana

August 3 - £15/head at Mazzo

July 27 - La Scala

July 20 - La Putain de la Tour

July 13 - The Real Zorba

July 6 - Palefico

June 29 - The Moon and Pigeons

June 22 - Post Theatre

June 15 - Danang Vice

June 7 - La Crebiche

June 1 - B.A.N.G.E.R.S

May 25 - The Ritz

May 18 - The Harpo

May 11 - Trading Braces

May 4 - Hijo De Puta

April 27 - Broadway!

April 20 - Escoffier Steakhouse

archive >>>

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