"People are complete cretins arent they? All week Ive had people asking me "are you watching Survivor?" or "who do you think is going to win Big Brother?" To which I reply, "Sod off". Frankly I find ordinary people utterly tedious and Im damned if Im going to spend my spare time watching a house full of the most boring people imaginable to humanity doing well not very much really. If I wanted to do that sort of thing then Id just lock ten people in my cellar and let them fight it out amongst themselves. Actually, I might do that anyway if Im at a lose end.
Im not sure about this seared tuna salad are you? I should have gone agnello like always. The texture is all wrong, it's overcooked and these fagliolini don't quite seem to work with this plague of red onion
and where's the fennel? The flavours seem to be constantly fighting each other. Its a bit like trying to eat the Tory party.
Have you heard the controversy about Tomb Raider? Apart from it being a truly dreadful excuse for a film that is? I mean, Ive sat through some rubbish in my time but honestly! By the end of it my eyeballs were threatening to walk out in disgust. But I digress. No, it seems that somebody in the costume department has given the heroine a belt that prominently displays a Nazi symbol. Needless to say it hasnt gone down well. Its a bit like Superman being caught wearing jackboots and a leather trench coat. Still thats what happens when they insist on employing five year olds to do the costume fitting. In my day it you didnt get to do something like that until youd served a twenty-year apprenticeship. Now the most you can expect is twenty minutes. Perhaps Im just getting old but it seems that everybody on a film set these days looks like they should still all be at school. I said as much to Marlon Brando. He said something very wise, "Who cares as long as they feed us at regular intervals?"
Harvey Bernstein is continuing with his loopy quest to bring Chicago to the big screen. So far just about every actress in Hollywood has been linked with the film. Harvey believes that the world has been without a new big screen musical for too long. Now I could be wrong but Im sure that the reason those musicals were successful was that they cast people who could actually sing. Judy Garland may not have been the greatest actress in the world but she could certainly belt out a tune all right. But Catherine Zeta Jones? Has anybody ever heard her sing? Not that it seems to matter. Ewan McGregors singing voice resembles a cat being dragged backwards through a mangle but hes still managed to notch up a number one in Australia. Im not really sure that the world is ready for a new musical anyway. I cant stand all that "I feel a song coming on" nonsense. What the film world needs is more blood and guts. Rather then waste his time with Chicago what Harve really should be doing is kicking young Tarantino up the arse and getting him to make another film.
Pity poor Richard Gere. Hes just agreed to play an environmentalist who loves penguins so much that he changed his middle name to "penguin". It certainly puts the mentalist into environmentalist at any rate. Whats the matter Richard? Down to your last million?"