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 Michael Whiner, semi-retired film maker, part-time restaurant critic, full time loud-mouth and the enfant-terrible of the British film industry; chews over the week's events.
This week, Michael visits Swear Box, the restaurant owned by colourful celebrity chef Gordon Ramshackle. Ramshackle is known for his tough, expletive filled attitude to food. As he says himself, "I'm in f******* charge, not the f******* starters, not the f******* main course and certainly not the f******* dessert. With dishes on the menu like Beef Bloody Bourguignon and Toad in the Tossing Hole, this is an establishment where food very definitely is a four-letter word.
As usual, Michael is already in full flow…
"This Winter Vegetable Bastarding Broth is really quite exceptional, you know. A pity I can't say the same about the Oscars though. They were something of a washout in the end. The television audience certainly thought so. The numbers were down and the networks are not happy. Mind you I'm not surprised. It really was nauseating in places. The low point for me came when Reese Witherspoon said that she was just trying to make "films that matter". By this she means worthy, important films that teach us something about the human condition and the state of society in a wider context.
Which would be fine. Except that Reese Witherspoon is the self same actress who made two, TWO, Legally Blonde films. Now forgive me if I missed it but at which point did those two films become a searing indictment of the flaws present in the American legal system? In what way exactly did they "matter"? You see it's precisely this kind of empty, superficial guff that gives Hollywood actors a bad name.
For every Susan Sarandon or Tim Robbins who actually take the time to learn about the causes they support you get ten lovely, blonde androids lining up to support something because they think it makes them look good. Or clever. Or preferably both.
Which reminds me, who exactly thought it would be a good idea to put all that drippy, syrupy background music behind the acceptance speeches? It was completely dreadful. It sapped all the atmosphere from the occasion just as effectively as the worst muzak does in the most hellish shopping centre. Even the most dignified speech was instantly transformed into something vapid, vacuous and incredibly insincere.
It's no wonder that cinema audiences worldwide are down. The public are sick of being preached at by individuals who wouldn't know hardship if it bit them on the arse. People who demand not one, not two but three trailers when they're on set. Who have individual sushi chefs on 24-hour stand-by and think nothing of flying their hairdresser halfway around the world. All at the studios expense. Yes, by all means make films that make people think. Cinema, after all, can be incredibly powerful when made correctly. But don't brow beat us with them. A well-crafted film will speak for itself and do it a hell of a lot more eloquently then any two-minute long vomit-inducing speech at an award ceremony.
That said, I will be watching next year. That's the thing about the Oscars, you see. It's like a car crash. You know you shouldn't watch but you just can't help it.
Well that little rant has worked up quite a thirst. Volume four of the wine list if you please waiter!"
Cheers,
Michael
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